I’m An Artist

What Makes Someone An Artist? 

“I’m an artist.”

It took me a really long time to own that sentence. I'm nearly 30, I have a BA degree and an MA degree both in Fine Art and yet I still cringed when people asked what I did; 'I work as a temp in an office, oh and I make drawings'. I thought that if I said 'I'm an artist' then they'd have an assumption about me, maybe that I was a bit pretentious or snobby or that I was pretending to be better than I am. This frame of mind may have something to do with my working class background. On my maternal side my nanny is a school caretaker, my grandad is a retired scaffolder turned chicken farmer. On my paternal side, my grandfather was a dairy farmer and my grandmother who died a decade before I was born was a homemaker as far as I know. My aunties and uncles are lorry drivers, cleaners, warehouse workers and grass cutters for the council. My mum works as a packer and my dad as a mechanic and workshop manager. All are jobs that are vital and keep the world ticking over but don’t involve an element of creativity.  Put bluntly, as far as I know no-one in my family is or was artistic. I have no idea where my appreciation of art comes from; I had no one teaching me how to draw when I was younger, no one took me to an art exhibition or encouraged me to follow an artistic path. In my family and in many others; art is not a necessity, it’s a past time, a hobby and being an artist is not useful. 

When I was little I went through the usual phases of wanting to be a variety of different things when I grew up. I wanted to be a teacher so I could write on the white board whenever I wanted, I liked the idea of being a vet because I loved animals so much, my dad was in the army and I was outdoorsy so I wanted to be a soldier at one time too. When I reached the end of school I decided to take A-Levels including ceramics and photography, not for any career prospects but because I hadn't studied them before and they sounded fun. Whilst studying my A-Levels I went to New York City as part of an art college trip and fell head over heels in love with everything I saw that was art related. The galleries in Chelsea, the artefacts and abstract expressionist paintings in The Metropolitan Museum of Art and especially seeing Monet's Water Lily triptych in the MoMA. Hypnotised by the colours and scale of the painting I was entranced and suddenly knew that I wanted art to always be part of my life. After my A-Levels I did a year-long foundation degree at another local college where painting became my favoured medium of expression. Having relished the idea that with fine art you have free-reign to 'do whatever' I decided to do a BA in Fine Art. I wasn't the brightest in the group, nor the most talented. I didn't really know how to get the best grades either, I just experimented. I splattered paint and used charcoal, I focussed my efforts on the human form and then landscapes. I left university with a passion for drawing.

After a period of time working in non art related roles and travelling I returned to university to study an MA in Fine Art. I saved hard so that I could work on my art uninterrupted for a whole year with no uninspiring temp job getting in the way of my practice. My MA degree was an awakening, led by a tutor who believed that life will always trump art, I felt out of my depth intellectually but enjoyed being surrounded by difference. The course was made up of mostly Chinese students, with two Indian girls and a boy from Thailand who came to be my best friend on the course. I'd been to China and Thailand and I felt a sense of companionship with the international students. Artists visited and spoke to us; I realised that artists are just regular people who perhaps see the world in a different way and aren't afraid to put their way of seeing and thinking out into the world. My assumption that artists had to be a certain way was smashed. I'd thought that you had to be working on your art 24/7 to be a real artist or that you had to exhibit several times a year, or that by being an artist you were a serious sort of person. As time has gone on I've realised that all artists feel self doubt or anxiety at some stage or another about their work, all artists are human. I left the MA with more exhibiting experience and a little more confidence in myself. That was in 2014 and still despite the new qualification I was still a nervous artist, shrugging off my practice when anyone asked about it like it was no big deal. I didn't want to be made fun of, even though in reality my art was everything to me. I saved up and travelled again, for longer this time and had even more time to think about what art meant to me and what I wanted to do. I had to write my occupation on custom forms and I started writing 'artist'. It was the first time that I properly embraced it. I make drawings, I show people those drawings by posting them on social media and by exhibiting when I can even if it's not often. I think about my work all the time, every day. When I look up at a cloudy sky I see the work of Turner in my mind, when I write in my neat and precise way I think of Tracey Emin and how her handwriting in its scratchy and messy manner is so at odds with mine. 

I don't think that my BA or MA degrees in Fine Art are what gives me the right to call myself an artist, they are just qualifications I'm lucky to have because I was privileged enough to choose what I wanted to do at university. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud to have studied Fine Art for four years but you don’t need a qualification to be an artist. I call myself an artist because it is what’s in my heart, I identify with it. I see the world in an interesting way sometimes and I have a fierce passion for it. Art is everywhere. A paint splash on a wall can sing to me much more than an exhibition of Damien Hirst sculptures. I can't name you all the artists of the renaissance but I have studied the surface of a Cy Twombly painting until my eyes went fuzzy. My work doesn't sell out as soon as it hits my online shop but the process of creating the work gives me enough satisfaction and happiness without the association of money. So, what I'm trying to say in another 'classic Claire' rambling piece of writing is this; calling yourself an artist is your prerogative. It is not up to someone else to define you. If you like to draw then perhaps you are an artist. If you write poetry, dribble paint on canvas, create music or study the details of the human form in weekly life drawing classes then perhaps you are an artist. 

If art in any form speaks to you and you yourself create then perhaps you are an artist. If you think you are then own the phrase, tell people proudly when they ask and don't let other peoples preconceptions about what an artist is or does limit you and your thinking. Only recently have I learned to embrace the title ‘artist’ and feel brave enough to say ‘I’m an artist’ when asked what I do, it’s an uplifting feeling to acknowledge it, I only hope my bravery stays around and that my confidence only ever grows. 

So, what do you think? I was nervous writing this one, because I feel completely unqualified to tell people what it means to be an artist, it is different to a lot of people. But, this piece of writing is here to explain my story and how I came to embrace the title and I want you to feel confident embracing it too if it speaks to you. Let me know in the comments below if you call yourself an artist and if you've always felt comfortable doing so, perhaps you're someone who thinks like an artist but isn't brave enough to own the title yet, thats ok, I'd like to hear from you.

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Celebrate Your Success

Selling A Drawing And Feeling That Buzz Of Excitement  

The start of the year was tough. Like many I wasn't filled with excitement for the new year ahead, more a feeling of anxiousness and a worry that I was somehow failing at life. I'd had an exciting 2016/17 and now had to face facts, the money I'd saved had gone and in order to support myself I'd have to go out and get a job. I couldn't work out if I'd made a mistake by abstaining from the 'job hunt' for so long, now the idea of returning to employment filled me with a rush of queasiness; I felt a distinct knot in my tummy and a flush of red to my cheeks every time the thought entered my mind. Over the past five months I'd cultivated a life that suited me down to the ground. I'd wake up when I felt ready, eat breakfast and drink tea leisurely before getting started with a drawing in my makeshift studio. I'd write a little bit or record a video for Instagram. I'd sit in the quiet listening to the starlings fight over the last of the sour grapes on the vine outside and contemplate what I was going to make next for my next exhibition. I liked working alone. Having no one else to answer to and no small talk to make around a coffee station was ideal. Every action I took in a day was down to me, I wasn't working to anyone else's schedule or fulfilling anyone else's dream. I was doing things for myself. To know that my luxurious existence was coming to a close was difficult. 

I didn't handle this idea of change very well. I felt teary a lot and resentful that others got to live their dream and I didn't. I knew that my circumstances were completely different to those I felt jealous of too, they'd worked hard for years to get where they were. I'd spent those years travelling, studying and working temp jobs because there were no art based opportunities in my area that filled me with joy and I wasn't prepared to commute or relocate for them. After feeling like I was walking around with a cloud of negativity around my head I decided to change my mindset. I gave myself some time to relax, to forget about it all. I binge watched Friends on Netflix eating leftover Christmas chocolate and tried to free myself from all the guilt, negativity and the feeling of January blues. 

I started looking at the positives. And there were so many that I'd overlooked. I noticed that little things were going right in my art business. I'd reached 1000 followers on Twitter and much more importantly I'd found a network of supportive online friends who shared my work, complimented my drawings and sent me ‘happy dance’ gifs when I'd made a sale. And talking of making sales, I'd made quite a few. December had been a tough month in my online shop. While I watched lots of other artists and makers make lots of sales in the run up to Christmas I'd made none until just before New Years Eve. Then after I updated my shop with the remaining postcards from my 100 Day Project I made a sale, and then another, and then another. By the 11th of January eight of my drawings had been sent to new homes and I felt a resounding sense of relief and pride in myself. I'm not one for bragging but I couldn't help but share my good fortune on social media. I'd made something with my own fair hands and people liked what I'd made so much that they spent their actual money on it. I made a pact with myself there and then that I would always celebrate a sale and always make a big deal of it. With a new feeling of accomplishment I tweeted that you should always celebrate your successes. When you make a sale no matter how small, when you get your first commission enquiry, when your website reaches a few more people than the week before. Not every day will be one that you want to shout about, I for one have more off days than great days but when there is something (no matter how small) to celebrate make sure that you do. Just the act of creating and being brave enough to share it with the world is worth shouting about. 

What have you done recently that is worth celebrating? Did you make a sale of your art work or write a blog post that you’re super proud of? Let me know in the comments below and remember to give yourself a pat on the back for doing what you do and not giving up.

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30 Before 30

In March I turned 29. No big deal I thought, it's OK to be 29 with no career, no house, no car and no savings. Totally OK *panicked face*. I chose to spend my twenties doing things a little different to the norm. I decided to travel, to see the world and to experience things outside of my comfort zone. As my twenties winds down I don't regret a thing. Sure, I'd love to have my own home by now, and a career I'm passionate about but the truth is I struggled fitting in working hard to save money and travelling (as well as university twice) into the past decade so I don't reasonably think I could have also bought a house and made a career too.

In an attempt to feel less panicked about getting older and with my second backpacking adventure coming to a close I decided that it's time to think about the next step and the things that I want to achieve before I turn 30. I read a blog post in 2015 by Emily Quinton of Makelight, in it Emily wrote a list of her 40 things to achieve before she turned 40 later that year. It got me thinking about my own goals or things I wanted to tick off the list by my next birthday milestone. 

A little while ago I started to actually write my list after thinking about it for a long time. There are some very big things on there and some tiny things. Some for the sheer joy of experiencing something new, or a thing I've done and always wanted to do again. Some to further my knowledge and further my travels. Some to help me move forward with my life and help with my creative practice as an artist. 

* Backpack South America ✔️

* Visit India ✔️

* Move in with Craig

* Exhibit in London (again)

* Make a zine

* Climb a mountain

* Visit the Scottish Highlands

* Go walking on the Isle of Wight

* Complete a sketchbook

* Make pottery

* Weekend in Cambridge ✔️

* Weekend in Tallinn, Estonia or another Baltic Country

* Buy a bicycle with a basket

* Host a Garden Party

* Read three classic* books (2/3) *modern classic acceptable! 

* See three classic movies (1/3)

* Camp in the Wild ✔️

* Afternoon tea at The Ritz/Sketch in London ✔️

* See Monet's Waterlilies in Paris

* Complete a '100 day project' ✔️

* Make a large scale painting/drawing

* Go on an artist residency

* Professionally frame my drawings

* Establish an online store ✔️

* Grow chillies for Craig

* Bake a cake

* Forest of Dean holiday ✔️

* Horse ride again ✔️

* Renovate my mums garden

* Become a runner

Some, like that last one are doubtful but I'm hopeful I can at least give it a go. I'm one of those people who absolutely loves any kind of list so the thought of being able to tick something off will give me the kick I need to get off my bum. I'm hopeful that by giving myself fun goals I can ease into a new decade without feeling too pressured or anxious by the things I haven't yet achieved. As my 30th is next March I've kept some things off the list like buying a house and finding a dream job as I know I'll never fulfil those goals by 30. But, theres always a 40 before 40 to write!

Thank you Emily for inspiring me and for helping me to be brave by putting my little and large goals out into the world.

Do you have a list of things to achieve in your life or by a certain age? Are you someone who has a bucket list? I'd love to know what some of your goals are, big or little, silly or serious. Let me know in the comments below. 

If you enjoyed reading then please click the heart at the bottom, share or better still leave me a comment, I love reading them.